GOALS SET YOU ON FIRE TO TAKE ACTION

GOALS SET YOU ON FIRE TO TAKE ACTION

We saw the sports icon Milkha Singh in the movie Bhaag Milkha Bhaag. We saw a scene where he is wanted to break a time record and he keeps visualizing the time he wanted to achieve.

What was he doing? He had a purpose. He had a goal and he was working towards that goal daily by exercising, running and a daily routine he followed. 

What is the purpose of your life? What is it that you really want in your life? How would you have a balanced life? What are your goals in the following areas: - 1) Personal, 2) Education, 3) Career, 4) Financial, 5) Spiritual

Many of us don’t think about the above questions and just keep living our life. That’s the reason we sometimes get bored in life as we don’t have a purpose for our life. People, who do think about their goals, think only till making a New Year resolution and continuing till end of January month. Once the February month starts we forget about our resolutions.

Why setting a goal is important?

-         It gives you the purpose of your life.

-         It gives you a direction as  to where are you heading in life.

-         Motivates you to take action to move toward your goals.

-         It will help you focus on what you what to achieve and put in that much efforts to accelerate the speed to achieve that goal.

-         Once we are focused it helps us to avoid undue distractions which reduces the speed to achieve your goal.

-         You turn the vision of your future to reality.

Why goal is needed?

-         Helps to focus on acquisition of knowledge and organize your time and resources that helps to reach the goal.

-         You feel good about the progress of finishing the goal.

-         It improves your confidence as you recognize your abilities and your competence of achieving the goal.

How do we start?

     1)    Convert the long term goals into short term goals

Think of the goals you want to achieve 10 years down the line. Then break them in short term goals.

What do we have to do in next 5years, 2years, 1month, 1 week and today to achieve the long term goal of 10 years down the line.

Once you have your plan, you start working on it to achieve these goals.

These life time goals help to make a decision in other aspects of life as well.

      2)    Balance in all areas of life

The goals are set not just in one aspect but also in other aspects of our life so that we can have a balanced and enjoyable life. As all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. 

So the goals in various areas like: -

Physical         Family       Learning and Development       Social &Cultural       Career         Financial       Spiritual

      3)    To do list

Have a list of things you have to do daily so that gradually you move towards your long term goal by taking small steps. Also review and update the list on daily basis.

Tick off the list once done. This will motivate you and will be more confident as you start finishing a particular task.

      4)    Be precise

When to write the goal mention the time, date and the amount of the goal you will be completing. This will help you to measure whether you have completed the goal on time or not. Also you will be satisfied once you finish the task.

     5)    Priorities

When you have many goals set your priorities right. You will not get more tensed as you will finish the goal in order of importance.

     6)    Believe

Believe that you will be able to finish and definitely achieve your goal.

     7)    Add positive emotion to the goal

Feel positive when you are visualizing or thinking about the goal. Eg. Want a car – go for a test drive and feel good that you already have this car.  

      8)    Visualize

If you have set a life time goal visualize it daily as you are achieving it. Believe it that its yours. Visualization is aa powerful technique that help to achieve your goals.

GOALS ARE THE ACTION PLAN FOR YOUR SUCCESS

#Progressive Youth program # Rinkal Karia # Directional Coach and Guide for Youth# Love to help people  

CONFIDENCE leads to POWERFUL state of MIND

Whenever there is an open day in the school, there is a lot of anxiety running among the students to know as how well they have fared in the exams. The stress among the parents is even more than that of the students. So there is always a long queue of parents waiting for me at this point of time.

After seeing 6 parents for their child having academic issues, suprisingly now a parent of a fourth standard student came stating that my child does not have any academic issues but he does not speak in the class. Even if someone hits him he does not say anything. He is scared of the teacher and when someone speaks loudly he starts crying. 

         The question I asked the mother were:-

·        What are the strengths of the child? To which the mother says nothing

·        Are you sending the child in some activities? Mother said yes

·        Does someone shouts at him at home? Mother said No

·        Do you all praise the child? Mother said yes

      At this time I could relate that being quite in the class is due to lack of confidence. But what exactly was the reason still was not clear from the above questions.

       The mother added that his speech was not clear and he stammered a bit. BINGO now I know. I called the child and tried speaking to him. He was very soft and I would barely hear what he was saying. At this point I just told the child to stand straight and put his shoulders firm at the back. I asked him to recite a poem loudly and clearly. He said the whole poem without stammering.

        What was this quick transformation? Most of us face lack of confidence at some point of time. I will share few quick fixes so that we can be in the state of confidence 24/7.

      1)    PHYSIOLOGY CHANGE 

The way your physiology is that is how you will get thoughts and that is how your emotions will be created. The mind and body are connected. If you see the physiology of Amitabh Bachhan or a military man their physiology is strong. Also if you remember I corrected the physiology of the boy first.

·        As strong physiology = strong mind = great emotions = FULL OF CONFIDENCE

2)    FOCUS 

Focus on positives rather than negative that means focus on solutions instead of problems. For e.g. when the baby does not eat we tend to force the child. Still if does not eat then we tend to shift the focus by saying look at the bird and then feed him.

Shift your FOCUS on only RESULT

For e.g. need to shift the focus from nervousness before a speech to the best results after the speech.

·       Shift your FOCUS on SOLUTIONS = YOU WILL FEEL CONFIDENT

     3)   CHANGE CORE BELIEFS

If you THINK I don’t have the background or confidence to do a task - Brain gets two possibilities and gets confused.

Belief – I will not succeed anyway.

Confidence -LOW

THINK- I will do it for sure – Brain knows what to do

Belief – I will succeed

Confidence -HIGH

POSITIVE BELIEF = SUPERB CONFIDENCE

     4)   INCREASE THE SPEED

Confidence increase by the way you speak, by the way you move, by the way your gestures are and by the way your tone of voice is.

-         Increase you walking speed by 20%

-         Increase your tone of talking (volume) by 20%

-     Increase your speed of talking by 20%

*(Not for people who are really fast)

·        GOOD MOTION = GREAT CONFIDENCE

      5)  SUCCESS JOURNAL

Keep a success journal to show yourself of all the dark incidence you have gone through and you succeeded those tough times beautifully. You have feel proud about the things you have done.

It will remind you that in tough situations you turned it off. This will help you to face any situations with full confidence.

·        You as SUCCESSFUL COMPETANT PERSON = FEELING AWESOME AND CONFIDENT

     6)  START CONTRIBUTION

When you help people and contribute to something you feel more confident.

·        CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY = CONTRIBUTES TO YOUR CONFIDENCE

      7)  STOP ANALYZING YOURSELF

Even a single doubt affects the confidence of the person. We tend to focus a lot on our self by analyzing our self and asking questions like why was I not able to it?

·        STOP ANALYZING SELF = INCREASED CONFIDENCE

#Progressive Youth program # Rinkal Karia # Directional Coach and Guide for Youth# Love to help people # Feeling Awesome  

RESILIENCE can HELP to DEAL with CONFLICTS

In this competitive world of social media children are bound to face stress. The children have to deal with various problems ranging from adapting to a new classroom, bullying by classmates, changing schools, studying for an exam or even abuse at home or dealing with the death of a loved one. The children need to be resilient to deal with stress.

What is resilience?

Resilience is the ability to cope with ups and downs and bounce back from stress, adversity, failure, challenges, or even trauma.

Resilience is shaped partly by the individual characteristics we are born with (our genes, temperament and personality) and partly by the environment we grow up in - our family, community and the broader society.

Resilient child have the following characteristics:-

-   They don’t fear falling short of expectations.

-   They are curious, brave, and trusting of their instincts.

-   They know their limits and they push themselves to step outside of their comfort zones.

-   This helps them reach for their long-term goals and it helps them solve problems independently.

Importance of Resilience

·   Children with greater resilience are better able to manage stress, which is a common response to difficult events. They can handle everyday pressure well.

·   Develops the basic skills and habits that will help them deal with challenges later in life, during adolescence and adulthood.

·   Important for children’s mental health. Stress is a risk factor for mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression, if the level of stress is severe or ongoing. It reduces the mental health issues as well when they are more resilient.

Tips for parents to increase resilience in their children: -

      1)      Healthy risk taking

Push a child to go outside of their comfort zone, but results in very little harm if they are unsuccessful. E.g. Trying a new sport, participating in the school play.

When kids avoid risk, they internalize the message that they aren’t strong enough to handle challenges. When kids embrace risks, they learn to push themselves.

       2)      Make connection

Teach your child how to make friends, including the skill of empathy, or feeling another's pain. Encourage your child to be a friend in order to get friends. Build a strong family network to support your child through his or her inevitable disappointments and hurts. They feel empowered to seek guidance and make attempts to work through difficult situations. It also helps you to model coping and problem-solving skills to children.

       3)      Accept that change is a part of life

Change often can be scary for children and teens. Help your child see that change is part of life and new goals can replace goals that have become unattainable. This will help the child to adjust with the new situation, if he accepts the change.

      4)      Opportunities for self awareness

Tough times are often the times when children learn the most about themselves. Help your child with leading discussions of what he has learned after facing down a tough situation.

      5)      Optimistic Outlook even during hard times

An optimistic and positive outlook enables your child to see the good things in life and keep going even in the hardest times. Help him or her see that there is a future beyond the current situation and that the future can be good.

      6)      Exercise

Exercise helps strengthen the brain and make it more resilient to stress and adversity. While team sports are the most popular method of consistent exercise for kids, all kids really need is time spent outdoors engaging in a physical activity. If team sports don’t appeal to your child, encourage them or introduce them to bicycling, playing tag, or even just swinging at the playground. These are all great ways for kids to engage in free play that also builds resilience.

      7)      Embrace mistakes in order to have growth mindset

Failure avoiders lack resilience. In fact, failure avoiders tend to be highly anxious kids. This causes risk avoidance. Embracing mistakes (your own included) helps promote a growth mindset and gives kids the message that mistakes help them learn. Motivate the child by talking about a mistake you made and how you recovered from it.

       8)      Teach problem solving skills

Teach problem solving skills by supporting them and not solving the problem. We all need help sometimes, and it’s important for kids to know they have help. By brainstorming solutions with kids, parents engage in the process of solving problems. Encourage kids to come up with a list of ideas and weigh the pros and cons of each one.

       9)      Manage Emotions

Teach your kids that all feelings are important and that labeling their feelings can help them make sense of what they’re experiencing. Tell them it’s okay to feel anxious, sad, jealous, etc. and reassure them that bad feelings usually pass.

       10)  Model Resiliency

The best way to teach resilience is to model it. We all encounter stressful situations. Use coping and calming strategies. Deep breathing can be an effective way to work through stress. Always label your emotions and talk through your problem-solving process.

#Progressive Youth program # Rinkal Karia # Directional Coach and Guide for Youth# Love to help people # Feeling Awesome  

BALANCE THE SOCIAL MEDIA IN CHILDREN

In today’s world the use of social media is very common in young children. Sharing information and images on social media at any time is very easy. It’s quite common that the children are making unknown friends on social media whom they have never met, in the name of networking.

Through social media children are also sharing their personal information. They have to be careful in terms of what they are posting online. That’s the reason the parent has to be alert in terms of updating themselves on social media so that they can keep their children safe online.

How to keep the children safe?

      1)      Learn about the app

What your children are using. There are certain apps having age limit for the same. If you don’t know how to use the app update yourself for the same.

      2)      Get an online protection.

 Programs that provide parental controls can block websites, enforce time limits, monitor the websites your child visits, and their online conversations. Few examples (Names can change with upgradation).

a)       Norton

This allows you to set phone time limits and filter web content coming in.

b)       TeenSafe

This allows you to track your child’s calls, texts, GPS and social media activity.

c)      MobSafetyRangerBrowser

This enables you to view your child’s website browsing and set time limits.

      3)      Monitor the child’s activity online and ask questions.

Follow your child’s online accounts, and tell them that you are monitoring their online activity to help keep them safe. Some children or teens may create a fake second account for their parents to follow.

      4)       Discuss online unknown friends

Explain there will be people online who will show genuine interest and the child might feel comfortable to speak to unknown people online but explain that it’s easy for someone on the Internet to be fake.

Make it clear that if your child wants to meet an online friend in person, it must be in a public place and with a trusted adult.

The best option is if you don't know them, ‘don't friend them.’ This is a simple and safe rule of thumb.

      5)      Discuss about the digital reputation

Children have to be careful about the images they upload. Discuss what’s okay and safe to post online, and what isn’t. As a general rule, your child shouldn’t post anything they wouldn’t want a parent or teacher or future boss to see or read. Whatever we post we are creating a digital reputation for ourselves. Snapchat is not temporary, someone can take a screenshot as well.

      6)      Protecting the personal information

 Remind the children that what they post can be used against them. For example, letting the world know that you're off on vacation or posting your home address gives would-be robbers a chance to strike. Teens also should avoid posting specific locations of parties or events, as well as phone numbers.

7)      Use privacy settings.

 Privacy settings are important. Go through them together to make sure your kids understand each one. Also, explain that passwords are there to protect them against things like identity theft. They should never share them with anyone, even a boyfriend, girlfriend, or best friend.

       8)      Discuss about cyber bullying and control on his behavior

       Mean behavior is not OK. Make it clear that you expect your kids to treat others with respect, and   to never post hurtful or embarrassing messages. Ask them to always tell you about any harassing or bullying messages that others post.

        9)  Discuss about Sexting

 Sexting is sending sexually explicit messages, photos or videos between smartphones or social   media apps.

 Ask your teen what she knows about sexting. Talk about the dangers of sexting. Remind him that words and photos posted online can easily be shared with others.Also most dating sites (like Tinder, Grindr, Bumble) are for people over 18 years old, many teens know about them. Online dating services allow users to create a profile and upload personal information and photos. Users can be encouraged by others to share inappropriate photos.

10)  Set screen time

Teach your child the value of “unplugging” from devices for technology-free time. Social       media can be exciting, but it should be considered entertainment. Remind your child that no message is so important that it can’t wait until the morning.

       11)   Be a role model

Model good behaviour on your own social media accounts.

#Progressive Youth program # Rinkal Karia # Directional Coach and Guide for Youth# Love to help people 

COMMUNICATION A GATEWAY TO OPENING UP

There was a second standard child who came to me for counseling for academic issues. While talking the child revealed to me that, “My father does not say anything once he is home. He does not ask me ‘How am I?’ or ‘How was my day’. Instead he just switches on the TV and watches TV once he is home. I really don’t like this. I want that he should talk to me. “

This is what many children might be facing. As parents we get so busy in our daily routine and mobile phone, TV that we don’t remove time to communicate with our child.

Many a times the child needs to be proved by you in order that they can share what is happen in their inner world, what they are thinking and feeling. This will not only help them to express their emotions but also improve your bonding and relation with him.

The effective communication happen when each party involved hears and understands the perspective of other person. Adults do most of the talking and children do not know when to share their perspective.

To start the real communication with the children these are the tips what the adult has to follow.

      1)      Create a safe environment

When you sense that the child need to talk give your full attention. Face them, have a eye contact and kneel down if needed to have same level eye contact. Make the child feel that you are really interested in talking to them.

       2)      Switch off all devices

While communicating with your child TV, Mobile phone, computer needs to be switched off. Set a rule that after dinner or one hour before bed time no mobile phone or TV usage will be allowed. Show that through your verbal and non verbal language that the child’s conversation is important and this will improve the self esteem of the child.

       3)      Pick up on emotions and question him

When you see a particular emotion in words or body language, attend that feeling. This makes them feel that you are aware about their feeling. You might say, “You are angry as I didn’t allow you to go out in the party.” This allows the child to clarify how they feel and prompt more conversation.

       4)      Just listen with no correction

Listen to them fully when the child is expressing themselves. Resist correcting them even when you know they are wrong. This acknowledges the child’s feeling and gets them to talk. When you hear them they will cooperate more rather than just correcting them.

       5)      Scolding the child does not work instead focus on the behavior

 Shaming the child diminishes their worth. The child playing with paper ball in the restaurant can be explained in about his inappropriate behavior rather than getting angry at him. When you shame the child he feels defective. With encouraging and supportive instructions the child can correct his behavior.

      6)       Let them think about solutions

When child disagrees on a particular decision, ask him what other option is available and what he wants to change. If the solution what he comes up is reasonable let them try it. When we encourage our children to become part of the solution, they often have greater motivation for resolving it.

      7)      Show interest

Talk to them about their school, their friends this will show them that you are interested in their world and keep the conversation open. Show interest in their hobby. Be a part of their daily activities and routine.

      8)      Reframe the sentence what the child has said

This will help to avoid misunderstandings. As misunderstandings is a hindrance in effective communication. If you are not sure what a child means by something, take a few moments to ask and continue to practice this step until you have a clear idea of what is being said.

 9)      Establish the boundaries

Children need boundaries to feel safe and secure. Setting boundaries gives children the freedom to make their own decisions without constantly needing to consult others.

When communicating with children is that even though they are young, they are individuals who deserve your respect, care and attention. You will, play a key role in the adult that they will become.

Progressive Youth program # Rinkal Karia # Directional Coach and Guide for Youth